For those of you who are just beginning your first tentative steps on this well-worn path, let me offer you a little insight as to what you should expect. And remember, your experiences may vary and I might also just be making this all up as I go along...
Stage One: Denial
Credit to Pale-san
When a sneaking moment of clarity first finds you with your guard down, your temptation is to dismiss it out of hand - to give your head a quick shake to knock the thought loose and pretend it never happened. Yes, you like Babymetal or Mutou Ayami, but this whole Sakura Gakuin thing just isn't for you...
But make no mistake; there is no turning back. The more you struggle, the worse it will be for you. This is your life now, fukei-san.
Stage Two: Anger
I would not want to be Ooga Saki right now
Now, to be honest, with the girls now in our lives, anger is not as much of an issue as maybe it previously was. In fact, right now the only reason any anger might exist in you is that you are not yet in your final form - you are in a sense fighting your destiny.
There might also be some anger as you begin to learn the struggle. In the past, I listed some things that would make a person a "true fukei" (which is not A Thing!), but I just realized I left one off: being called a pedo. It's kind of a shock to hear it at first, but the pain recedes and eventually disappears as you become more confident in your life's work of supporting the girls. It is easy to bear the sting of these verbal attacks as you begin to notice how much joy the fukei life brings you. The feeling of pride in the girls as they take on challenges and succeed in their performances is so enriching and rejuvenating. The bittersweet graduations remind you of just how amazing and inspirational these young people are. They are all our precious members.
Stage Three: Bargaining
I wasn't sure whether to use this picture for 'Bargaining' or 'Denial'...
At this point, you are having some interesting internal discussions with yourself. Or in some cases, they are being played out in public, usually on social media. I remember myself, still not surrendered to my wonderful fate, posting videos of Mini-Pati on my Facebook wall, trying to convince everyone (or maybe just myself?) that I was in no danger of going full-fukei, full-otaku, full-weeabo, however you want to phrase it.
"Look," I would say, posting a video of 'Miracle Patiful Humberger', "this is like two-thirds of Babymetal, and I don't like this music at all. In fact, I can't even get through the whole video without turning it off." But then I stumbled across a Sleepiece video, and then a couple from Logica?, and before I knew it I was deep into the sub-unit catalog, finding myself humming 'Acha! Tea! Curry!' in the shower. It was all so weird because I thought that I only liked Sakura Gakuin for the non-music videos - the nendo tests and tv interviews and stuff - but I could sense the hooks getting deeper into me.
Okay, I will like them and all, I told myself, but I'm certainly not going to buy any merch. I'll be done with SG once Yui & Moa are done...
And you keep making deals with yourself like that because for some dumb reason you can't admit your life revolves around Sakura Gakuin now. At this point, pretty much everyone knows it but you.
Stage Four: Depression
The Kubler-Ross model postualtes that this stage should be present here, but honestly a lot of people never experience it. I suppose there may be a little bit of sadness if some non-understanding friends choose to cut ties with you as you're going through this metamorphosis, but if that's the case they were never really your friends to begin with. Besides, you have already made a bajillion new friends through SG anyway.
Stage Five: Acceptance
Congratualtions, you've made it. The struggle is real: embrace it.
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